KILL THE NICE GUY
Kill the Nice Guy, Spray Paint and Acrylic on Canvas 2020
The title of this piece is “Kill the Nice Guy.” Listen below to hear me explain what was in my mind when I created this piece and check out the paired playlist that was the background sound for the creative.
At the end, if you’re still curious, you can hear a sneaky recorded audio of me. It is raw and unedited. It was recorded right after this piece was completed.
I woke up one day and I was going to bake bread. And then a text came in that shattered me. Somewhere in a paragraph were the words "I don't think I actually love you" - I had never asked. I don't like to talk about heartbreak because it always seemed trite to me in a world like the one we are in today. I don't want to feel it, I thought. How can I convince a person who is so afraid of love, that it is the only thing worth feeling? How can I explain that the bridge shakes the whole time you cross it, every time you cross it, but that I would always wait on on the other side? So I decided to kill the love that did not bloom. And it still did not die, it just turned into this piece.
Even if I tried to blow my brains out, the flowers that grow in the country that I'm from, that he was from, would come out. And still, when I close my eyes I see him tying laces at my feet, quietly looking up at me. I think about the sun soaked mornings laying in bed and listening to songs I would never know to play. I think about crawling back into bed with wet hair while he was still asleep, because even when I couldn't, being awake and hearing his heartbeat was enough to keep me still. It's funny to hate the pain you feel and also not want to let it go because you are afraid it is the last thing someone will give you.
Playlist for Kill the Nice Guy (KTNG)
Unedited uncut audio taken by artist Jay Golding during a studio visit after this piece was created
